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  • Writer's pictureRebekka Darge

Sorry. Poor Connection. Please Try Again Later.

Hang on a sec. I'm having some trouble getting a signal here.

You know how it is — you're trying to talk to yourself, but all you can hear is a bunch of static and the sound of your own voice echoing back at you? Like driving into a tunnel.

I feel you. I mean, I know what it's like to have a really bad connection with myself at times.

From time to time I feel like nothing is connecting. Like my brain is on a loop, like there's nothing inside of me except for this voice repeating over and over again: "Nothing is working." The numbness, the emptiness, is taking over. And then it turns into this list — a really long list— of everything that I have done wrong. The failures. And then it turns into an even longer list of all the things other people have done right in comparison to me. And then it turns into this one big ball of despair and resentment.

In recent years I have learned how to quiet that static. Not always 100%. But I want to share some of the things I personally do when I feel like I am starting to feel disconnected.

1. Slow down!

Sometimes the disconnect sneaks in when I dont pay attention to what I need. I am often so rushed that I do not even realize that something is off until it hits me like a train. Breath. Unclench your jaw. Maybe even meditate. Even for just 1 min. It has a tremendous effect. Often times doing just those seemingly tiny things already helps me reconnect to myself and get back on track.

2. Schedule time to reflect

Once a day. Once a week. Once a month. Take some time to reflect. Whatever rythmn works for you. It is hard to listen when you are getting really overwhelmed and act in autopilot... Instead of letting it get to that point make it an item in your calendar.

Then ask yourself: "How am I feeling right now?", "What do I need right now?", "What is going right?", "What can I improve?".

Prioritzing yourself this way is not selfish! It is part of your self-care. Pause and act on it.

3. Talk about it

You dont need to have it all figured out. Especially not all by yourself! As a coach I am embracing the thought that all of us are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. We know what we need deep down. We have our own solutions. However, sometimes we need to speak it out loud to make it make sense. We do not need to get advice about it but we need to hear what we have to say. Talk to your friends, family, partners, colleauges. You will be astonished how many of us are struggling with the same things. Showing up vulnerable helps us to (re)connect to others just as much as to ourselves.

At times it is inevitable to get into situations in which we feel disconnected. Life is crazy. Actively prioritzing yourself is a "must" in any self-development journey. Be compassionate. Be honest. Stay connected.


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